Wednesday, March 22, 2006

the boys

the neighborhood boys could always be seen outside every mother's kitchen window, tree branches pointed at one another yelling out, "pow! you're dead, you're dead!"

the lucky boys got to wear their grandpa's world war two camouflage, the fastest boys shot you first, the skilled boys stayed alive, they were just boys being boys, young and alive.

by candlelight . . .
mother dusts
a purple heart

12 Comments:

Blogger texas haijin said...

i purchased a notebook the other day and have been writing haibun none stop. i love it. i simply love it. also, i don't care to perfect it like people say it should be done, rather, i like to write the pros i want to write, and how i want to write.

okay, i'm off my soapbox.

i think i love blogspot.

3:51 PM  
Blogger whitney said...

this is really powerful, dustin.
probably my favorite haibun you've written.

4:02 PM  
Blogger Denis said...

Heartbreaking.

4:23 PM  
Blogger its_baxter said...

wow

4:45 PM  
Blogger Masago said...

The ku at the end is a thought-provoking juxtaposition.

6:24 PM  
Blogger texas haijin said...

i think i'm going to submit this to modern haiku.

7:06 PM  
Blogger Little Onion said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:11 PM  
Blogger Little Onion said...

hi dustin,

i know that you want to write the prose just as it comes - i take that on board - however - i like this piece so much that i tried a haibun technique - that of switching tense within the prose - just to see how that impacted on the it - i looked at the second para and put it in the present tense:

'the lucky boys get to wear their grandpa's world war two camouflage, the fastest boys shoot you first, the skilled boys stay alive, just boys being boys, young and alive'

I think it might work such a shift between para 1 and the haiku the whole haibun moving moving us in time through past past-present and now. it works as is anyway so ignore me but thanks for letting me play

it's good to see you getting enthused about haibun - yes write how you want to write - always - but haibunic writing is a form too - and its good to experiment with trying out some of the techniques whilst keeping true to yourself - and its not about perfecting or being perfect - no we can't be perfect - something that approaches this state does so perhaps because of its imperfections not despite them

the only piece of advive i'm sure of on the the haibun road and you of all people don't need my advice is...

buy lots of notebooks

keep them coming and keep them young and alive like the boys like this haibun.

Little Onion

10:13 PM  
Blogger Pat Paulk said...

Dustin you nailed it with the haiku at the end. Some don't get to "play" war.

3:56 AM  
Blogger Aurora said...

Ditto Denis.

4:58 AM  
Blogger Catnapping said...

This is perfection, Dustin. It caught me hard.

We used to play war growing up, too. My father was in the military 30 years, and each of us kids did at least one hitch. It was expected of us.

I'm lucky that I didn't lose any of my brothers to Nam...but I did lose 3 friends from school (whose daddy's were also lifers like my dad.)

..funny thing. They were all raring to go. To think we all actually believed it couldn't be much different than the games we'd played growing up.

12:52 PM  
Blogger polona said...

this is great. keep writing, dustin.

2:43 PM  

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